I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
