So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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