I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
