So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize