so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
