i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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