Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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