No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
