the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
