i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
