you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
The struggles of a small town man whore
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
