I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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