i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Sorry my hands just texted you
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
