only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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