You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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