How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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