Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
