hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
