Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
