omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
