TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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