I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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