I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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