They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Still dying that you shit outside
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
