Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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