Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
