I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
