You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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