You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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