Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
