Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
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