I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
