I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
