Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
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He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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