Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
