I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Randomize
