If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
