ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
