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she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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