I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
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