Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
