PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
