So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
