Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
