She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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