The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
two words...techno handjob
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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