I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
