Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
