It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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