So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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