mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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