I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
