He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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