every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Randomize
