smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
