i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
