Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
