They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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