I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
