Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
