I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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