I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
