she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
