Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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