My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
