why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
