sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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