matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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