Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
