RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
