U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
