u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
