you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
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