the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
