i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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