where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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