she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
the day after is always just damage control
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
