when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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