My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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