You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
